In any case, I’m back on the horse now. I didn’t expect to be, but I hung out with a friend/ex-coworker of mine last night… we had some drinks and well, one thing led to another. We went to see Role Models, which is a really funny movie, and then to a bar. We wound up at a Courtyard Marriott around 2:30 AM, and then got breakfast at IHOP around 6:30 AM. I got home around 8:00 this morning. I don’t know where we go from here, but I’m going to see him again later today.

On the work front, I have been really busy lately. I’m always busy, but things are really starting to get down to the wire. Last Thursday I stayed at work until 11:30 because some lady came that night and wanted a bunch of work done by the next morning. It was freaking brutal. And all my other projects seem to be launching at the same time, so it’s a lot of work. I’m gonna be glad once I push those sites out though; then I can start from a clean slate. I’m starting to get into javascript these days. I always knew it, but I just never used it a lot because my focus was really just graphics and html/css. But lately, I’ve just been tired of waiting for the developers to do things for me when I can do it faster with javascript… or to be more accurate: jQuery.

Anyway, I need to get up and run some errands – one being that I have to go pick up my belongings from Rick’s place today. Fun. Then I think I’ll go get a manicure.

My boyfriend was kind of a dick all night too, he just doesn’t seem to take me seriously when I say I’m in pain or that I’m feeling like shit. You’d think being admitted to the ER would be a dead give away, but not to him. All he could say was how much he didn’t want to be there at 1:00 AM, and I feel like he was kind of taking it out on me.  But he has taken care of me all weekend, so I can’t complain – I just wish he would’ve antagonized me less while I was laying in the hospital. We got home around 5:30AM this morning and went to sleep until 2:00PM – after some rest, he was much sweeter to me.

Now I’m at home with my parents – my mom is pissed because I didn’t call her, but she knew better than to bitch at me since I’m feeling so sick. I’m in bed, and I just took a vicodin, so I’m falling asleep. Good night everyone!

Work is good, I’m on salary now, and my benefits kick in September 1st, so I’m pretty stoked about that. I’ve been getting a lot of projects lately – actually, i’m super busy at the moment.

It’s 9:00 AM right now and I should already be out the door but I’m still in bed, half dressed, and feeling too lazy to get up and take a shower. I’ll probably get in the office around 11:00, but it’s all good. I usually stay pretty late anyway. This company is wicked cool about hours, so that’s a huge relief. I’ve never been an early bird. I think the only time I ever come in on time or early is when I’m at Rick’s. He usually gets up at 7:30 so that means I pretty much have to get up too. Since he’s five minutes from my office, I get in around 8:30, which is pretty early compared to everyone else.

Anyway, I thought I’d leave you guys with some eyecandy – these are some of the designs I’ve been working on lately:

But part of me is happy that things turned out this way, because now I know where we stand. I know what kind of relationship I’m in right now, and yknow what? It’s fine. It’s fine if we just eat, sleep, and fuck together. It’s fine if I just have to cut myself off emotionally from him. He, in his own words, “set the tone.” At least now I know, and we can just move on being the way we are. Or not. I’m not exactly sure at this point, but I guess I’m fine either way.

I’m not ugly, I’m intelligent, and I’m great in the sack. All this convinces me that in the end, I’ll be okay. I like this guy, I do. I really care about him, and when it’s good it’s really good. But I don’t know if I can be pulled through such emotional extremes anymore. Because when it’s bad, it’s really bad. I want to continue being with him, but if things end between us, it’ll be fine too. I guess I’ve just been put through a lot this year and now I’m just letting it all go. I’m just letting it all hit me at once, because my comeback will just be that much greater.

He does have a huge dick though.

Now, I work but it’s a regular 9-5 job, I get a steady paycheck, I’m happy with what I’m doing, I have a whole team to back me up, and I get to come home every day and shut my brain off. I found someone local that I care about, and don’t have to wait till 3:00 in the morning just to talk to him over skype. These days at 3:00 AM, I’m usually in bed with my lover, and I don’t need to keep my voice down for fear of waking my family. My very healthy sexual appetite can be sated without the use of batteries. My sorrows can be drowned in his shoulder, and not in the bottle of Patron stashed away under my bed.

I no longer feel like a burden to my parents – I pull my weight, and I handle my own affairs. I help my family out when I can, and I actually have real conversations with them because I’m not locked in my room all day with nothing to share because I’m not having any real experiences.

I’m not babysitting a bunch of socially retarded kids on the net, and I’m not wasting my time making myspace layouts for hordes of ungrateful brats. My work means something now, and my clients are filtered before they get to me. I don’t go through long periods of time wondering if I’ll become busy again, and therefore I don’t have to take the first client that comes through the pipe.

I guess what this post comes down to is… I’m happy. I’m fulfilled. Sure, there are days I want to rip my own trachea out because my clients drive me nuts, and my boyfriend can seriously act like the biggest dickhead in Orange County, but if I had to choose between this life and the life I was leading four months ago… the decision would be so easy.

My life right now rules.

I had a real shitty day. My preliminary three month probation is over at my job, meaning I had my evaluation today. I was supposed to get a raise. I deserve a raise. I need a raise. Why didn’t get it, again? Because other people can’t do their jobs fast enough and my projects are taking too long to launch. Whether it’s stuck in development, data import, or if it’s just been managed poorly by the higher-ups, 90% of my projects are stalling. Meaning I haven’t earned my boss much profit because he hasn’t been able to bill anyone yet. Meaning I haven’t “earned” my raise – monetarily, that is. In terms of hard work, dedication to the job, and overall competence… I really think – no, I know I’ve exceeded everyones expectations.

Sigh. Bright side? I’ve been hired permanently and I get health insurance, finally. I also get put on salary and there are some other cool benefits too. I guess after getting such good feedback from my manager and peers, I started to just assume I would get that raise. When I didn’t get it, it was just a huge shock and disappointment to me.

In other news, Rick and I have been doing better the past two weeks. We had some rough patches the week before I went to Houston and the week after, but things are starting to mellow out and we’ve been spending a lot more time together.

I have been working at Golden State Communications for a couple weeks now, as a Designer and Project Manager and my impression of this Orange County web firm has been pretty great so far. The atmosphere is wicked laid back and the people are really nice, and they all have great senses of humor. We have some interesting clients, and I keep pretty busy during the week. We have this ping-pong table in the office and most of us spend a lot of time playing against each other. I personally suck at this game – but I get better as the days go by. One day I’ll finally destroy everyone at ping-pong!

Edit:// See photos from the Cornzapoppin Photoshoot!

My sister, Quynh, is back from Albania. She was in the Peace Corps and was there for two years, but now she’s back with my brother’s family in Texas. Apparently my other sister Marlene is there too, visiting. I wasn’t invited because I’m awesome. Actually, I’m going there in July for a huge family reunion, and then again for a much longer time to meet Brandon’s family, so my siblings know I can’t spare anymore vacation time for an impromptu visit to welcome Quynh back to civilization. She will be staying with me in June, anyway. She says she wants to visit me at work to make sure I’m actually working and not just goofin’ off. Heh.

As for the dailies – Honestly I’ve just been working all week. Since I’m making a steady income again, of course I’ve been shopping a lot during the weekend. I bought a really cute wallet from DSW, and some shirts from ANGL. And I got off my parent’s phone plan since they refuse to activate the internet. I need to receive emails on my phone for work and stuff, so I switched to Helio, and I got the Mysto phone, which is really slick. It should be arriving tomorrow. I’m keeping my old number so everyone should still be able to reach me. I’ve also seen a bunch of movies lately – Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Iron Man, What Happens in Vegas, and Chronicles of Narnia II. All of them were great flicks – this seems to be the season for the silver screen, because there have been some really cool movies out the past few weeks.

Videos after the jump.

Sure, I was pissed I didn’t get more of a reaction from him. If he had actually fought for me – that’s what would have kept me with him. But I realized after I talked to him for a second time last night that he always understood I deserved better than what he was able to give me emotionally. Well, he said as much.

“I always felt guilty that I couldn’t love you the way you wanted and deserved to be loved. I’m happy for you. Maybe it just hasn’t hit me yet, but I really am happy that you’re moving on in life. I’ve been in love before, and I don’t think I can do it again. You deserve to feel that at least once in your life.”

When it came down to it… I was always going to be a 21 year old girl to him. He has always been looking out for me. He didn’t mind being with me if that’s what I wanted, and he doesn’t mind letting me go if it’s in my best interest. And I’m really just grateful that I had this companion, this partner… helping me for the past two years; helping me grow and being my rock to lean on in times of tragedy.

He’s my best friend. And I know that’s never going to change. He’s always going to be part of my life – watching and protecting me. I’m always going to be part of his. I’m always going to be here to support him. But he realized that this was an opportunity to put his own growth for the past two years to the test. He said he needed to stop depending on me and stand on his own two feet. I want to be there for that. I want to see him have the success he deserves in life.

Just as his slightly younger friend…